Thursday, January 28, 2016

HOW TO NOT BE A COMPLETE MESS

Honestly this is more of a little reminder for myself, I'm struggling more days than I am not but I also have learned how to handle myself...it just takes work and for someone who is unemployed some days it does just feel easier to curl back up in bed. But I have a tiny human who is relying on me, and I am relying on myself to get myself back up on my feet because there isn't anyone else to do that for me, welcome to adulthood right? I'm a little embarrassed at how much I've relied on others when it comes to life things but now I need to put on my big girl panties and push through.

one. Get out of bed
This one is seemingly the most straight forward but is still the hardest of the lot. Especially in winter when it's cold outside of the covers. I have to share my living space with a lot more people now so it is a lot easier to hide in my room and lie in bed while the Bean plays around me but I need to make a more concentrated effort to get out of bed in the morning and stay out until bedtime at night.

two. Eat well
Food has been super important to me, and feeding Bean good nutritious meals have been numero uno on my priority list, but when it comes to myself I've been slacking. I blame partially the Christmas season and the availability of chocolate and sweet but my low vegetable consumption has purely been due to my laziness and lack of desire to actually prepare and cook a meal when I could just eat toast and a cookie. I feel infinitely better when I am putting good food in my body, and keeping physically active

three. Stop overthinking
I am a relentless planner, I have to-do lists out the door, itineraries for each day and activity I plan but despite all of this I never get anything done, why? Because instead of doing anything I just think about it. I have this incessant need to try to go over every possible scenario mentally before I actually do something which is the easiest way to talk myself out everything. I cannot see the future, I cannot plan for everything and at a certain point I need to just dive in and go for whatever it is that I want to get done.

four. Stop feeling sorry for yourself
This is not where I imagined my life at this point, but when does anyone's life go exactly as planned? I've hit a lot of road blocks and gone down some twists and turns but I also have so much to be grateful for. I have a beautiful boy, amazingly supportive family, hilarious friends, a roof over my head and food in my belly. No matter how dire things may look for me, it's still not that bad. I need to be able to ask for help when I need it, but I also need figure things out myself and make my life work for me.

Sunday, January 03, 2016

HELLO

"Oh man, it has been a while. I've been back in Canada for about a month now, it has been hectic physically and emotionally. Bean has been a trooper, I'm the one who has probably had more adjustment issues but I'm working on those. I thought that since I have just gone from a small town to a big cosmopolitan city that it would be a good time to address the internal conflict that comes from wanting to simplify your life but also living in a such a consumerist world."
That was the last thing I attempted to write for this blog, over two months ago. I have a million excuses, I moved to a new country, I moved back and forth across my new city, I was cleaning, I was studying,I was job hunting, I was hanging out with my friends, I was spending time with my family,  I was dealing with family drama, I was dating, I was taking care of myself...but really it all comes down to me not making the effort. Single parenthood has slammed me like a wall, I am extremely blessed to have an amazingly supportive network of friends and family here so despite my struggles my son and I are very well taken care of. 2015 was a year of just barely holding on to be completely honest, I've learned a lot about myself and my short comings but I still have no idea what I am doing in this world. I always make resolutions and goals for myself, but I don't usually achieve them, I am very much a starter but never a finisher this blog is probably a good indication of that. This year I want to learn how to finish things, even if the end result is not what I want. I need to learn failure in order to succeed,  I need to learn how to push through the tough times without giving up because it is too hard. I feel like people tend to treat me like this fragile breakable thing that is to susceptible to all the outside noise of world and that bothers me, but the worst part is that I think I started to believe it. I have things that hold me back in life but instead of accepting that I should be trying to push through it more, so I hope to learn to do that this year.

I don't know what will become of this space, I probably won't do anything huge with it. In theory I'd like to use it as some form of accountability but I don't think I can completely commit to that. However I still like it here, I like having a little space that I can talk about whatever I want and maybe I'll get inspired again but for now this is all I can do...I don't even have a nice picture to put here but oh well, I was never much of a photographer anyways.